BY KIMME AABERG
There’s a difference between “trying new things” and “submitting to peer-pressure.”
Someone needs to get to the bottom of what’s going on here:
However, they look totally amazing. It’s like a facial friendship bracelet of sorts.
Anyone who knows me will heartily concur that in my past life I definitely had one of the most bitchin’ mustaches around. Sadly, I am cursed with some sort of flesh-colored invisible peach-stache, aka my blank face. As a now 25 year old woman, friends and society at large have made it painfully obvious that perhaps the glorious facial furniture I long to luxuriantly sprawl across like a whiskered cat in the sill of a new dawning day is no more than a dissipated haze of delusions; the Mammatus Mustache of my Mynd has slowly rolled back like a curtain, leaving not a soul in its wake other than the vast expanse of infinite universal nothingness.
Anyways, so as a touching effigy to memorialize the honor of my amputated past-life ’stache (may The Lord* honor his blessings and rest his soul) I decided to post pictures each week of potential dudes who: have ’staches I want, or could have been my past ’stache.
Episode One. May I bring to you, Scrumbly.
*Editor’s Note: by The Lord I mean the organ player from Deep Purple.
Sir Scrumbly with a harmonious stache that complements his gentle waves of hair and ostentatious disposition.